LILY’S DIARY

MY TAKE ON LIKABILITY

I saw my friend, Eva, the other day. We hung out and had a chat for an hour at a café here on Newbury Street while sipping our coffee and munching croissants. The temperature had finally warmed up a little, enough to sit outside in the sunshine without getting cold.

She told me that she didn’t like me at first. I was taken back by her openness. I asked why. She said I’m kind of selfish and rigid in the ways I approach things. And not to mention my stubbornness.

Whoa! Okay.

While alone in my office, perusing a stack of fabric samples, I had time to think about what I’d done that made her come to this conclusion. We had become fast friends after she taught me how to read tarot cards and I helped her set up her website. By the way, she sells supplies and accessories for fortune tellers.

I told her a little about my background. I grew up with parents who have two different sets of value: my dad is Western, modern and sophisticated and my mom is Asian and very traditional. Primitive even. However, I don’t blame them, but their values created a lot of conflict and confusion in me as a teen. I wanted to please both, but only ended up disappointing them when I switched my cadaver class with sewing classes.

Instead of having a prestigious job (Mom’s plan for me was to be a physician), I decided to have my own women’s accessories business. At this stage, I didn’t expect them to cheer me on, but to my surprise, my ex kicked me out from his life as well. When the guy I thought loved me belittled my ambition to be successful in this highly competitive endeavor, I put walls around myself. To protect myself from getting hurt in the future.

And I zoomed into my own world, working hard to turn my dream into a reality. But, while doing so I didn’t realize I morphed into a selfish person, only thinking about what I wanted to accomplish and didn’t care about others.

And to make it worse, I didn’t know it also showed in my actions, the way I talk or think. Until Eva called me out on it. I knew she took it personally when I rejected her offer to help me to gain insight about my business challenges. I allowed her to tell me what changes I needed to do in order to be successful, but I didn’t believe in her tarot card reading. I knew I had hurt her and I apologized.

Hey, I don’t expect everyone to like me. Heck, I hate myself too, sometimes. But, I’ve learned a lot about myself and the people who loved me for who I am – flawed and all. I continue to get better and I’m grateful when someone finally came along, saw my flaws and decided to stay anyway.

What would you do if you were in my shoes?